Your Brain on BDSM:The Psychology Behind the Scenes

Does the thought of BDSM turn you on? If you answered yes to that question, you are not alone. In a study conducted in 2022 by Bedbible Research Center, researchers found that 42% of Americans have participated in BDSM at least once, 44% of Americans are interested in learning more, and 34% participate in BDSM regularly (at least every other month).  The study also found that 59.6% of men fantasize about dominating a partner, while 64.6% of women reported fantasies of being dominated by their partner.

With statistics such as these, we can infer that while BDSM is socially unacceptable, society is interested.

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What is BDSM?

BDSM can break into categories, and these categories can serve as an overall umbrella housing a full range of kinks. It can be as many dynamics as a person is comfortable with or just one specific kink, there is no judgment in BDSM. Let’s explore the elements of BDSM:

Bondage: Ropes, handcuffs, and restraints! Restricting a partner’s movement increases sexual pleasure for some.

Discipline: Kinkly.com states, “discipline refers to the practice of training a submissive to obey a dominant and follow certain rules.”

Dominance/ submission (D/s):  A Dominant (Dom) is an individual who exerts power and control within negotiated limits over their submissive (sub). Meg-John Barker explains in her book Rewriting the Rules that D/s differs from M/s (Master/slave) due to the power exchange between the participants instead of physical sensation; however, confusingly, these terms can and will be used interchangeably throughout your journey.

Sadism and Masochism: Often referred to as Sadomasochism. Sadism involves deriving enjoyment or pleasure from inflicting pain on others, and masochism involves deriving sexual satisfaction from receiving pain or humiliation from others.

While this list is the basic list for BDSM, there are members of the community who identify as: Dominant, Master/Mistress, top, sadist, submissive, bottom, masochist, and switch. The beauty about sexuality is that it is evolving, and new terms and ideas are coming to fruition daily, so don’t limit yourself; be free to explore.

The Chemistry of BDSM

Your brain is the largest erogenous zone.  While your brain can evoke images of bondage and submission, practitioners of BDSM conclude that the delightful discipline and pain attributed to their fetish is more pleasurable, albeit addictive, because of the rush of endorphins one will experience [1].  Your brain is a powerful drug store packed with neurotransmitters, also known as endorphins, that can make one feel euphoric, protect you from further injury, and make you feel “floaty.”

Let’s explore the science behind what happens inside your brain when you participate in BDSM. Full disclosure, every individual will respond differently to BDSM; this is a general understanding of what the brain does during a mild scene. Also, there isn’t as much neurological research as there needs to be for practitioners of BDSM due to a variety of factors, but mainly, the equipment isn’t sexy and wouldn’t go well in a dungeon. Researchers do know what happens in your brain during a pain and pleasure sequence so that we will apply the same concept to a mild BDSM scene.

Your incredibly sexy partner, or your Dom (who is also just as yummy), ties you, the sub, up in some form or fashion, possibly being a bit rough and inducing a touch of pain as they bind your hands and feet. Your body is feeling the rush of excitement due to the anticipation of what will come. This rush or a sudden surge of energy you are experiencing stems from the adrenaline released into your body. The “adrenaline rush” is characterized as feeling the need to fight or flee; therefore, the sub might need to struggle or become a bit feistier [2].

As the scene moves forward, you might be unable to move as freely as before, not necessarily because of the restraints but because your body seems frozen. Your brain has now introduced a neurotransmitter called noradrenaline into play, which replaced the adrenaline you felt previously. As your Dom spanks you or introduces you to a pain-inflicting activity, you no longer want to fight it; you are in a state of relaxation and euphoria. This is also known as subspace, an “altered state of consciousness that people who are receiving sensations can experience” [3].

While more research still needs to be conducted, subspace could directly result from your brain releasing dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is the reward neurotransmitter that tends to increase euphoria. Practically speaking, serotonin encourages people to put themselves in situations, such as a BDSM scene, that will improve their confidence and self-esteem. Hermes Solenzol [4], a neuroscientist who researches pain physiology, stated that “how serotonin and dopamine in the spinal cord contribute to the mental state during a scene is anybody’s guess.” With the understanding that more research is needed to understand subspace, this mental bliss has been described as feeling dissociated, deep relaxation, and even feeling high [5].

The Forbidden Fruit Effect    

When something is forbidden, dangerous, or difficult, it appears more attractive, sexier. That is why good girls fall for bad boys and vice versa. Society tells you no, which makes you want it that much more. Mark Twain stated, “There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.” When it comes to BDSM, there has been a stigma associated with the practices, rendering them forbidden, resulting in many wanting to explore everything they can out of defiance. When we are told no, we want it even more.

Healing Past Trauma

Sexual trauma is terrible, and unfortunately, I have experienced more of it than one could imagine. From my personal experiences with sexual trauma, I can say that BDSM has helped me process and heal old wounds. Research has proven that when allowed to rework traumatic experiences through BDSM, the survivor can reconfigure the life-changing event from powerless to powerful.

During the traumatic experience, power was taken from the survivor, their needs and concerns were silenced, and the perpetrator took what they wanted without permission. In a trauma play scene, everything is negotiated and communicated through the survivor's voice, allowing them to dictate every scene element. BDSM is a power exchange. However, the submissive in the scene has the power to stop anything fromhappening to them. If the scene is overstimulating, they can stop it. If the scene triggers an emotion they weren’t expecting, they can stop and process with the other players in the scene, and if they want more intensity, they can request that as well. Respect, communication, love, boundaries, and understanding are pillars of BDSM, and that allows survivors of past trauma to explore their experience through a lens of self-healing instead of self-destruction.

In short, BDSM can make you feel like nothing you have ever experienced before while being sober due to producing chemicals that can mimic the effects of cocaine and morphine. If you want to share a form of BDSM with your partner for the first time, start small, start simple, and see if you enjoy the array of neurotransmitters that might overtake your body. As always, communicate with your partner before, during, and after to maximize your experience with this delightful form of sexual gratification.

Dramatically Yours,

Dr. Stephanie

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Dr. Stephanie, PhD is the founder of Evolve Your Intimacy and the author of two books, The Clinician's Guide to Ethical Non-Monogamous Relationships: Working with Clients with Alternative Lifestyles and The Anti-Fight Journal, Fighting Fair in Relationships. 

Being ethically non-monogamous in her personal life, she is passionate about helping others discover their relationships' true potential regardless of the dynamics. She specializes in working with individuals in alternative relationships in her private practice and hosts workshops and playshops at events, on cruises, and through her online platform.

She holds a PhD in Clinical Sexology and an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas, Arizona, South Dakota, and Florida and a Certified Sex Therapist. To work with Dr. Stephanie, schedule a free consultation. 

If you appreciate my work, Buy Me A Coffee! Your support is greatly appreciated. 

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